Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Toddler Speak: I couldn't wait for her to be able to tell me what was on her mind, BUT NOW...


Vivia just squealed from the tub "My face is ruined, my face is ruined!!!"

This just one of the Vivia-isms that she puts together all by herself. (WARNING: Gratuitous Parental Bragging to follow:) She's been speaking full sentences since before she turned two. In two languages. Our pediatrician shows her off to the rest of the staff at every visit, saying "This is the one I was telling you about..." WONDERFUL, right?

Weeeeeell, One bad thing about my toddler being SO well spoken at such a young age is that there is no awareness of discretion. She just says what's on her mind or in her emotions! No matter who is in the room, where we are, or which social situation we find ourselves in. Which, most of the time is fine. And even cute. For instance, the other day we were cruising through Target, and I let her out of the carriage (which is still a rare thing), and she shoots down the Christmas aisles both singing at the top of her lungs, and shouting... "I LOVE Christmas, I LOVE Christmas!!! Look Mama, Christmas trees, look Mama, decorations!!! OOOOh I LOVE decorations, I LOVE Christmas trees!!!" to some made-up tune. She (nor I, for that matter) could contain her excitement. She drew a crowd from several aisles over. And they all commented on how she made their day.

THAT part is ok. Or the part where at church, after the Band goes quiet, and after she has danced her heart out, she says "THAT was FUN!!!" and the whole congregation laughs.
Or the part where she walks up on stage after a meeting is over, grabs the mic and says as dramatic as any ring master... : "Ladies, and Gentlemen! Boys and Girls of all ages... Wanna see me do a trick?" where does she get this stuff??? yah, yah laugh it up...
HOWEVER...

The part that is NOT ok is this>
Vivia has two volume levels... 1. LOUD and 2. ASLEEP
So, at her normal level, in the middle of a quiet, crowded room she says:
"HAAAA HAAAA!!!! Mommy, you FART!"
Now, for the record, I DID NOT fart. No, I didn't~! But the sound was heard by her, and the damage was done.
OR when we walk by someone who obviously DID just fart, or is doing their business in shame behind the stall door and she says, "I smell something, STINKS Mama!!!!"

But the one to top all:
During the election she must've loved the sound of BARAK OBAMA's name b/c she pranced around the house saying it over and over, like some little Pop Warner Cheerleader. Well, so as to be fair and balanced, I taught her to say "John McCain," as well. Both of them were all over the tv for sooo long that she knew who they were by sight too...
SOOOOO: One day (in a crowd, she tends to draw a crowd...) someone had given us a brochure with both cantidates on the cover. She takes it and says "that's Barak Obama, Mama." Yes, yes it is, "And that's John McCain." Yes, right again. Then she says... "He's a really really really black black black boy."
OMG!!!
I FROZE in horror, and also because I was trying not to bust out laughing. She decided to have that revelation in public, rather than private. Then she says "And he's a really really really WHITE boy."

Now, upon further questioning, I find out she's talking about their HAIR color, not their skin color. So, we can save that whole conversation for another time.

I have days now where my ears are ringing by bedtime because of the constant chatter! I blog late into the night, just to hear grown up conversation in my head. I relish peace where I can find it~ even in the most unique situations, like this gem:
One night at a family sit-down dinner, we forced Vivia to eat "one more bite" of chicken so that she could have a cookie for dessert. So, in her defiance, she chewed and sucked on that piece of meat without swallowing for (no joke) 30 minutes -her way of still being in control. Gabriel says to me, "Babe, shouldn't we do something about that?" and without skipping a beat, I reply, "Nope. I am kinda enjoying the quiet."

I wish I could record her sweet little "cartoonish" voice of all her little sayings. I don't want to forget a ONE of them! Gabe and I have a "Vivia-isms" journal that we started so we could write down a glossary of her 2 year old terms.

I recently found the "Olivia" books. And they made me laugh so much, because they really could be called "Vivia." Maybe I'm on to something there. I just won't make my main character a little pig. A parrot... maybe. :)


Tuesday, December 2, 2008

I love Christmas


I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas I love Christmas.

Did I mention, I love Christmas?

23 days and counting...

Monday, December 1, 2008

Hilarious- in Spanish too!


My husband is from Venezuela, originally. He is in line for his US citizenship. But, being that the entirety of his family speaks Spanish, we are teaching our children both languages. The way that we have researched to be the best approach to this, is that I speak only English, and He speak only Spanish to them. Which we have done since Vivia was born. Although we kinda both speak both to them.
She is fluent in hearing Spanish, and is less interested in actually speaking it.

Well, this morning- being the expert that she is, the following is a very funny quote from Vivia and Rio's interaction:

My mother enters the room to find Vivia talking baby talk back to Rio, who is increasingly more vocal in the last week. She LOVES to mimic his vocalizations and have conversations with him. Well, she proceeds to tell Bella this:

"Ah-goo" is 'Ah-Bwah' in Spanish"...

ROTFLMAO!!!

Friday, October 31, 2008

A S#itty Morning!!!


"Why, O Why is there a pot of boiling letters on your stove?," you ask. Well, thank you for your concern. As a matter of fact, it is indicative of the kind of morning I have had. S#!tty! I woke up to Vivia grabbing her diaper saying "Mommy, take it off." With poop on her hands because she was trying to take it off herself. GAG #1!
I say with much excitement "STOP!" and I proceed to remove said diaper. She begins to squirm and freak out~ apparently because she had a bit of diaper rash, and knocked the diaper out of my hand onto the floor where the poop rolled out! GAG #2!
I then say, "You know what, we are going straight to the bath!" Back upstairs to draw her a bath. I get her in there complete with her toys and bubbles, and run back downstairs to grab something. Now, before you call Social Services on me for leaving my 2 year old alone in the tub, I ask, "Have you ever made a mistake?" I have. It happens. So, once downstairs, I see where my poor, neglected dog has pooped on the dining room floor because she hasn't been taken on a proper "poop walk" for days. GAG#3
I begin to hear Vivia from upstairs calling to me, and then I hear the THUD THUD THUD of her running around. I know she must be dripping wet and naked because she can't reach her towels.
I run up there to find a pee spot on the carpet outside the bathroom door, and a naked Vivia dripping wet, saying "I'm Cold, Mama." I ask her "Did you pee on the floor?" And she says, "Yep., And I pooped in the tub!" OMG! NOOOOO...
Sure enough, I go look, and there is a floater, disintegrating in the water amongst her foam alphabet that she was playing with in the tub! GAG#4
Baby Rio begins squawking from the other room, doesn't he know that I have to clean this mess up? I go in there to get him, I immediately smell the familiar, strange odor of baby poo. YES, he has BLOWN OUT his diaper in the bed, my bed! I honestly cannot believe this is happening!
I will spare you the details of how I retrieved the poop from the tub, flushed it down the toilet, (retching the whole time), scrubbed the tile floor in my dining room, and bleached the crap (pun intended) out of everything.
But now you know why there is a pot of "alphabet soup" boiling on my stove...
That's just the kind of morning I had with "Baby making Four".

Monday, August 25, 2008

Baby really can be a ROCK STAR with this...

Baby really can be a ROCK STAR with this...
This is so funny and clever!
I had to order the Bob Marley one for Gabe as his "Congrats Daddy" present! And also The U2 one - more my taste! This is a company that decided to remake rock albums- LULLABYE style. The company is called ROCKaby Baby and the list goes from Greenday and Smashing Pumpkins to the Ramones and the Beatles. They even have an old fave of mine: the Pixies! You have to check it out! SO FUNNY...

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Coincidence... I think NOT!

Real quick...
I just popped open a Perrier- something I haven't had in a while due to horrible heartburn-
but one thing I have noticed recently when I have had anything carbonated... BabyinTheBelly gets the hiccups! Coincidence... I think NOT! l
Learn all you ever cared to know about hiccups here.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Jumpin' on the bed...

This was Vivia and one of her BFF's Aubrey while on a mini-vacation to Disney last week. We didn't do any parks or anything, we just utilized the facilities and stayed at a great hotel to have some R&R. These girls were soooo silly!
And yes, they are saying over and over and over... "Baby in the Belly..." Whilst jumping up and down on the bed.
:)
Little Girls... Will post more pics soon...

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

TOP FIFTEEN things NOT to say to a pregnant woman!

KEY:
White not to be said by a man or a woman
Red not to be said by a man, especially the husband
Green not to be said by a woman, especially the mother, or even worse, the mother-in-law

15. "You're not going to eat
all that are you?" or
14. "Didn't you just eat two hours ago?" (or ANY comment about your diet for that matter...)
13. "Well, what did you do all day?"

12. "WOW, you're getting so... (insert synonym for "LARGE" here)! ie. big, huge, enormous, gargantuan, whale-like,

11. "That baby
still hasn't come yet?
10. "I was in labor for 48 hours, uphill, barefoot, in both directions"
...(Insert personal birth horror/sob story here)
9. "We need to keep the thermostat set at 78 degrees"
8. "I hear (anything) helps with the nausea"
7. " I think you should try to do it (fill in birth preference here)" ie, natural, with pain meds, at home
6. "When you gonna push that thing out?"

5. "We didn't have epidurals back in my day."
4. "When are you/we having another one?"
3. "I understand"
2. "Well my mom..." followed by some Oedipus-loaded comment

And the number one thing you never say to a pregnant woman...

1. "No".







Sharing some of my research with you...

In the interest of passing along really great information- I am going to write now about some really amazing finds I have made in my attempts at being the coolest mom on the block! Which is ridiculous...
First off- some really great Maternity Tees are found here: http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=5330645
I personally purchased from them, and LOVE them!
All handmade, and so you know the girls down the block won't be wearing them... Unless you live down the block from me. This is the one I bought and I LOVE it!



K. now Secondly- a web site with some really cool Wall Decals:
http://ellynelly.com/
Here are the ones I got for PRCM's room (aha, did you catch that??? a little hint to Baby Brother's name... Guess if you dare...) I am painting the walls a combo of Navy and Turquoise with these in White.



K now Thirdly- I found the perfect solution to the registry problem. Not wanting to register at 50 million sites for the different tastes you have...
U can manage ONE list, in ONE spot to include ANYTHING you want. http://www.myregistry.com/Visitors/Welcome.aspx?sid=41ef8969-f4d7-4844-9f74-a74eff1a8367
I hope that link works. It's to my registry so you can see what I mean.
I combined my registries from Target, BabiesRus, PotteryBarnKids, Fawnand Forest, lots of others. They also have a "fund" that you can set up, so people can just give you cash online too.
We allocated ours to be PRCM's college fund.
But you could do a "diaper fund" a "stroller fund", a "mother's helper fund" Whatever!
Cool huh! You can do alll sorts of registries here too. Wedding, Housewarming- etc.


K- now fourthly, I found my favorite Maternity tee of all time, I probably will not buy it because I only have 2 mos to go, but OMG! I LOVE IT!!! ROTFLMAO!~
HEre it is~












It can be purchased HERE: http://www.bellyflirt.com/Natural-childbirth.html


Ok- tha's all for now, FOLKS!
Love and Peace and Joy and, of course... FREEDOM