Kate, I apologize for all the run-on sentences, punctuation abuse, and all the other grammar laws I break in the process of this ranting blog...
I know I will feel MUCH better in the morning, and be back to my rosy, happy, lovely, encouraging self. Don't worry, Freedom is still in here- Maybe she is getting some sleep, at least!
NOW, First thing that occurred to me when I found out I was Preg. back in January was that I would be due smack-dab in the middle of hurricane season. And sure enough, we are expecting one Tuesday. As if I weren't stressed enough... My friend Crystal is scheduled to be induced on Tuesd. morning. Her comment to me this am, "THEY BETTER NOT TELL ME NOT TO COME IN B/c OF THE HURRICANE!"
Sorry, I really do not want this blog to turn in to a *B*ch Fest* the sleeplessness is really getting to me. Those wonderful pills I talked about the first night have already acclimated in my body. In other words, they do not make me the least bit sleepy anymore, BUT, here goes anyway:
- My inlaws are in town, for a week. (Love them, but stressful)
- My mother does not get home until tomorrow night. Who knew I needed her so much? Shhh... don't tell...
- I don't have anyone lined up to help me with VV tomorrow b/c I forgot to line someone up, because I am not used to needing help, or having to remember to "line someone up..."
- This bedrest thing is more like a punishment for the crime of being the busy mom of a toddler. Although, I did have fun riding the electric-powered shopping cart thinggamabob today in Target!!! I love how people stare! What they don't know is I can hear their thoughts... "Why is she in one of those?" "How lazy..." "Get out of my way!" One lady with two small children gave me an understanding nod, at least...
- I still haven't decided if I will have Vivia in school or not (and it starts in 7 hours...) yes, that is because it is 1:55 am and
- I am wide-awake,
- enduring hot flashes, and
- Braxton hicks.
- Can't feel my feet.
- Listening to the new Coldplay album: fave song "Lost!", not because I am identifying with the lyrics, based solely on the music at this point- feeling indecisive. (indecisive not lost, people!) It is hard to make decisions when all I can think of, literally, is trying to find a comfortable position- which doesn't exist at this stage of the game- and repeating over and over in my mind:
- "I CANNOT believe I still technically have A FREAKING MONTH LEFT!!!" The battle is most definitely in my mind! Most of the time, I win, but usually not at (now) 2:32am.
Jesus, are you showing me how much I can endure~ to prove to me, it is more than I think I can? OK- then, I surrender and admit that I CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU, nor do I WANT to!
"Whoa-a-Whoa, God be the Solution!"- Hillsong United
I contacted some doulas via email tonight, will see what they have to say. I love the thought of a doula- but the LAST thing I want in the delivery room with me is some NEW-AGE birthjunkie trying to hypnotize me, secretly pushing their neo-breastfeeding-LeLeche-ism on me! I breastfeed, ok! But I do have another purpose for living!!! And no, it is not ONLY to breed and birth babies.
Doulas... Another decision. For another day...
By the way, My girls threw me the BEST shower on Sat. They ROCK! I feel so loved! But I must not dwell on that unless I want to start the waterworks as well!
I will update~ complete with fotos, tomorrow, before the hurricane takes away our electricity- and my a/c.
"Whoa -a- whoa... I can't wait... to see you again!"- Miley Cyrus- slash- Hannah Montana