13:12

of Proverbs says: "Hope deferred makes the heart sick..."
This describes me right now.

Let me tell you why.
I was awoken in the middle of the night by several strong, and painful contractions... After this week of having several days of them. I almost went in to the hospital last night, because they were so strong and I felt SO strange, my stomach hurt, I was nauseous I couldn't sit through them, but I decided to go back to bed to try and get some some sleep- because if this was it, I have been told to stay at home as long as you can stand it. Besides, Iknew I had a doc's appt. first thing in the am.
I knew, that I knew, that I knew, I was going to go in to my doc's and they were going to give me the wonderful news that I was at 4 cm! I have to have made progress after the week I have had!

Well, the first part of my appt. was to have an ultrasound to determine his size right now. I have been trying to tell them I KNOW he is huge! and well, he is. They estimate him at 8 lbs (which is how big Vivia was AT BIRTH at 41 weeks~!) And I am measuring at 39 weeks because of his size...

Second part of the visit was that I started contracting again, so they decided to hook me up to monitor me and see exactly what was happening. I contracted about every 7 minutes and the cont's were literally registering OFF THE CHART- in strength. The nurse was in disbelief that they didn't hurt. She told me that it was so weird, because most women with those strength of C's would be sweating, and hollering and saying they couldn't handle it... They take my breath away, and they were tight, but not painful! So, I am a bit of an anomaly. (sp?) They were thinking, "ok- we're gonna send this girl to the hospital" and I'm thinking, "Today's the day!"

So, I finally go in to be "checked". (imagine the air slowly leaking out of a big balloon... turning into a wrinkly, deflated thing...) She says I am at... ZERO. Yes, I said zer00000000. Now, how is that possible? The doc last Thursday said I was at 1. How does one go BACK??? I DONT GET IT. She said, "Go home and have sex, walk, and eat spicy food" I wanted to punch her.

So, here I sit, having another off-the-chart contraction, that lasts at least a minute, that does NOTHING, except exhaust me and leave me with a sick heart, wondering what I have done to deserve being the butt of this not-so-funny joke. As Ellen says "You're not joking properly. If you were joking properly, we would both be laughing..."