Friday, September 5, 2008

Strong-Willed Children, God, I love them!

Vivia pitched her largest fit, to date, this morning...

Instead of staying in the room, and trying to get her to stop crying, and threatening her with a spanking, and spanking her until she stopped- which has been my response in the past, I decided to try another approach.

I got in her face and screamed a bloodcurdling scream- And then, without a word, I left the room, shut the door- which pissed her off more, and then after she realized I was gone, she came out of the bathroom, and came into our room to find me (and continued the screaming in the room with me). I completely ignored her, got dressed, and left her there too. I said to her very matter-of-factly, "this behavior is unacceptable, and I am leaving. You know where to find me when you are done." And I left her upstairs and came down.

Well, she stayed upstairs, screaming, saying "no", and crying etc. And then I heard her at one point come to the top of the stairs and scream down the stairs, as though I couldn't hear her. (I laughed to myself).
I realized how much of this fit pitching she really does do for attention- even for the attention of a spanking.

I had to collect myself too, because this type of thing can escalate into a war, which I have realized today, I am going to refuse the war because all this lack of sleep and these drugs and these hormones are really not good timing for me to be in there with a wooden spoon in my hands beating her into submission- I mean this figuratively, people- don't go calling DHS... I was shaking like a leaf while all this was going on.

SO, anyway, when she finally got tired of screaming, she came to the top of the stairs and in the sweetest voice said "I gotta go pee pee and pooo"
So I said, "OK, go ahead" and I came up. I said "Are you done with your fit?" very calmly.

She says "YEs, I done. I done screaming too." Total smiles and change of attitude. I said, "Good, now we can have fun together"

I guess she's been frustrated too lately.

I am going to try the ignoring (the fits) approach- as spankings do not seem to be working in the way we had hoped. I am all for spankings as a Godly tool to raise a child as long as they can be administered in the right way. But if they are ineffective with a particular child, then why keep doing it? At least in certain instances. They work like a charm in other instances...

That way, she is not learning to get our attention in negative ways and being rewarded for it.
I will just drop what I am doing, and leave the room, and she can finish out her fit with no one around to watch. I have heard this works really well. So I am willing to give it a shot at this point.

That was crazy. I hated that. And I think she did too.

Strong-Willed Children are the ones who grow up to be presidents and CEOS of major corporations. I love that about her- I just pray I am faithful in how I raise her with her personality type. I must be able, because I believe God sends us the kids we are the best for... Out of the billions of little personalities there are up there in heaven being sent to earth in the form of children.
In other words, He doesn't give us more than we can handle. But He knows what we can handle and what we can't. He must think really highly of me, that I can handle all this... haha
In more ways than one rightnow.


HipHome said...

Totally know what you are going through. Both of our boys are strong willed (Ezra more than Canaan). It is torture with Ezra sometimes! Absolute mental torture. I am at the point now where I immediately take him straight to his room when he starts throwing one. He also loves to scream "NO" at us (love that!) which immediately gets him in time out. Thankfully it seems to be working for him. Spankings don't work for him either but for Canaan they worked great. Its a mystery!

andBABYmakesFOUR said...

Yes, Vivia does the SAME thing! Screams NO right in our face. And sometimes screams NO at strangers too. One time she hit this random old lady at Cracker Barrel who dared sit beside her in a rocking chair. And the lady proceeded to chew us out about how that is NOT how you raise children.
I was like "apparently she didn't have any then b/c she would remember that at this age, they can be very unpredictable no matter HOW HARD you are trying to raise them right, and how consistent you are.
(WHich I feel that we are extremely persistent.) We hardly let her get away with ANYthing...
ANywhoo- how old is Ezra?
Please tell me he's not too much older than 2.- THis is all I hold on to, that she's almost out of it...